Friday, June 22, 2012

What are WAGs?

Some of Britain's Finest WAGs
(Courtesy of
With the EURO 2012 tournament moving into the final stages this week we figured it was time to address one very pressing question that has come up time and time again; what are WAGs?

WAGs is an acronym that stands for "Wives and Girlfriends" of football/soccer players. It was a term originally coined by the always creative British tabloid editors back during the 2006 World Cup to describe the bevy of women that would follow the British team around. At the time the media claimed they were a distraction to the team, and you know what, how couldn't they be. Since that tournament, the term WAGs has been expanded to include the love interests of players outside of England and across Europe.

Considering the lack of sunlight, rainy winters, and general lack of dental hygiene, some of these WAGs coming out of England are incredibly attractive. So I decided to take it upon myself to compile a list of the top 5 WAGs according to Practice Cone and have titled it, "Practice Cone's Top 5 WAGs List". The only requirement is that the WAG has to be tied to a current footballer in England.

#5 Coleen Rooney

Coleen Rooney
(Courtesy of
Almost realizing that he had a tremendous leg and a receding hair line, Wayne Rooney met his future WAG Coleen Mcloughlin at the ripe old age of 12 while attending school together and started dating when she turned 16. Rumor has it the couple went to see "Austin Powers: The Spy who Shagged Me" on their first date, how could a WAG like her turn down such a classy guy? Although they have been together since 2002, Wayne enjoyed seeking out the services of call girls during their relationship, but like a good WAG Coleen has stood by his side. They were married in 2008 and have a baby boy named Kai who was born in 2009.

#4 Alex Curran

Alex Curran (Gerrard)
(Courtest of
Ms. Curran is a former nail technician turned model who is now married to Liverpool midfielder Steven Gerrard after meeting in 2002. She has been referred to by the British press as an "Uber-WAG" which assumingly puts her on a level higher than the rest of the general WAG population. However, my keen eye sees her as simply WAG material, not of the uber-type, but clearly a decent grab for Mr. Gerrard who has three daughters with her (potential future WAGs?) She has had a few run-ins with the law with adds to her attractiveness, thus pushing her up to the #4 position in our poll.

#3 Carly Cole

Carly Cole
(Courtesy of
You don't have to be a top-flight player to land a top-notch WAG. Case in point is the relationship of Carly Cole to her husband and well-traveled England player Joe Cole. An attacking midfield, Joe has made his way from West Ham to Chelsea to Liverpool with a couple of loan spells to other teams in between, but who cares about Joe? Carly is a fitness instructor and magazine model who started dating Mr. Cole back in 2002 and married him in 2007. Although she loses points for only being 5'-3" she gains those points back by admitting her favorite band is Oasis. This WAG-alicious lassie is also the proud mom of a baby girl, Ruby, who was born in 2010.

#2 Cheryl Cole

Cheryl Cole (Courtesy of
No relation to the Mr. or Mrs. mentioned at #3, Cheryl is the wife of current Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole but she doesn't need to rely solely on her WAG status to get attention in the press. She was a member of the female pop group "Girls Aloud" and has been a staple of the music based reality show "The X-Factor" in England. She has a solo music career that has paired nicely with a modeling career, especially because she is highly attractive and she can sign too. She has been named by FHM as one of the sexiest women in the world, twice, and with her efforts to get into the US television market who have given her one of the highest WAG ratings as our runner-up in this poll.

#1 Abbey Crouch

Abbey Crouch
(Courtesy of Sports Illustrated)
If you are a regular follower of the blog you know that one of my least-liked players is Peter Crouch. Maybe it was because he led Tottenham to a final day victory over Manchester City back in 2010 to keep us out of Champions League. Maybe it was because he looks like a giraffe that has been shot when he runs around on the pitch. No, I must confess, I don't like him because with all that he was able to still land the hottest WAG in our poll, Abbey Clancey. What can you say about her that her looks don't say on their own, she's a smoke show. A former contestant on Britain's Next Top Model show, she has had a lucrative modeling career and has appeared on countless television programs. Perhaps her break out role for me was her appearance in the World Cup-themed 2010 edition of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue... in body point. I've never seen the three lions supported so properly, and to that, our top WAG award goes to Abbey.


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